Perfectionism

After dropping Son 1 off at school this morning, Son 2 and I went through McD's for a caffeine and sugar fix.  Well, after I ordered, Son 2 got upset and told me "You did it WRONG!!"  I said "What?"  He replied "You got the wrong one!"  I then realized that I had ordered Son 1's flavor instead of Son 2's.  As I said, I had not yet been adequately caffeinated, LOL!  So I pulled to the pay window and asked if they could change it, which they were sweet enough to do.  I told him it was just a mistake and that it was OK now.  He remained unconvinced until he had the right flavor in hand.  I said, "See?  I just made a mistake, it's OK."  His response made laugh!  "No mistake, Mom...not YOU!"  As Son 2's personality has continued to emerge, coupled with the volume of reading I've done, I've come to realize that this quest for perfection, while present in all of us to a degree, is hugely important to people on the spectrum.  I used to think it was just a personality quirk in Son 1, but no.  Why is this?  Well, while I don't claim to know first-hand, I can certainly make an informed speculation.  People with autism need routine in order to feel safe.  Knowing what to expect makes them feel secure, and like the rest of us, when they feel insecure, they are more apt to act in ways that may seem odd.  So mistakes really throw a monkey wrench in thier lives, the bigger the screw-up, the bigger the monkey wrench, and most likely the bigger the reaction.  Remember the theory of relativity?  For every action, there is a equal and opposite reaction.  So while it seems that many of our friends on the spectrum are rigid, demanding sameness, or expecting perfection, they are really just trying to deal with living in a world that can be very scary and unpredictable.  I tell this to people (particularly at school) a lot:  Inconsistency will make him lose trust in you.  Period.  You will find that I sometimes come off as a perfectionistic control freak, which is really not my nature.  BUT!  Please understand that I am trying to help create an environment in which he feels safe.  So really, maybe Son 2 was paying me a great compliment in that he saw me incapable of making a mistake.  :)