Winter Break = Autism Hell

I love my children, so deeply that even I am taken aback daily by the volume of my love for them.  I would gladly give my last breath for either of them, with absolutely no hesitation.  They are the two best parts of my life and I know that I would not be one tenth of the person I am today without them.  With that said, I cannot wait until they go back to school on Tuesday!  Yes, I'd appreciate going to the grocery store alone, and being able to work with minimal interruptions, but that's really superficial.  You see, while school can be a challenge, it does one thing very well:  providing structure.  Most people with autism crave structure and routine above anything else.  When you stuggle to communicate, have trouble understanding the behavior of others, and your body's sensory system has betrayed you, the world is a very scary place, indeed.  Dealt that hand, any of us would seek out consistency and routine in an attempt to cope.  At school, almost every day is the same, and while things there are less than perfect, the routine provides a lot of comfort and helps my kids keep themselves regulated.  And while we are extremely consistent as parents, I can't compete with that kind of routine.  Being an effective Autism Mom requires flexibility, particularly when you have more than one child (even more so if you have multiple children with special needs).  Add the responsibilites of running a household and no matter how hard I try, the routine does not work most days.  That is why breaks from school can, and often do, become hellish at our house.  While I am always optimistic that things will be different, it hasn't happened yet.  This winter break has been no exception.  Sure the first few days were good, as we were traveling and spending time with family and the kids were busy with new toys, games, etc.  But given that Son 2 has a three-day shelf life away from home before he starts to go off the deep end, we had to come home eventually.  As in the past, it was around the 6th day of the break where the situation deteriorated to the point that it required a large handbasket.  Behavior plummets, sleep patterns dissolve, and aggression and anxiety run high.  It is a little worse for Son 2 this year because Son 1 is sick again, and that means we are at home even more than usual.  This is why I fight so hard for ESY (Extended School Year, or summer services) every year.  It's not that I'm seeking a babysitter.  If all I need is a babysitter, that is pretty easy to find.  He needs some semblace of that routine, and no, I'm sorry six hours a week the two weeks before school isn't going to cut it.  In related news, I discovered that Aldi has wine for $2.50 a bottle.  :) 

When Mama Ain't Happy...

ain't NOBODY happy!!  While not terribly sophisticated, it sure is accurate, isn't it??  It's interesting how having a chronically ill child re-defines your life.  Particularly when there is not yet a diagnosis.  Relationships, family, career, and even shakes your faith.  Even when you are lucky enough, as I am, to have a good network of support.  The ONLY thing that matters to me is getting my kid well.  I don't care if I'm bitchy.  I don't care if I haven't showered today.  I don't care about what to make for dinner (that the kid probably can't eat anyway).  I don't care if I get my other kid to school on time.  I don't care about your opinion (unless you're an MD).  I don't care about the nutritional content of what goes in my mouth.  I haven't seen the inside of the gym in weeks, and my backside shows it, and yes, I don't care!  And for the first time in my life, I don't care about Christmas.  Usually I am walking around singing carols, happily baking, shopping, wrapping, etc.  Now I'm like "Damn.  I have three more freaking presents to get.  And then I have to bake some effing cookies."  The only thing I want for Christmas this year is for my kid to be able to get off the couch for one lousy day.  That's it!  Gift wrap is optional.